For my belly dancer

I will love you always. When your hair is white, I will still love you. When the smooth softness of youth is replaced by the delicate wrinkles of age, I will still want you. When your face is full of the lines of every smile you have ever smiled, of every surprise I have seen flash through your eyes, when every tear you have cried has left its mark upon your face, I will treasure you all the more, because I was there to see it all. I will share life with you and I will love you until my last breath.

Just need a break

Sometimes I think that I give too much. And that is not enough. Why is that?

I can’t blame myself for my choices, for my mistakes. Most of them is not me who decides what to do. Call it heart, instinct, guts. But there’s a thing called brain that stops me to do some actions. My education? Don’t want to look like an idiot?  But the mistakes… they come around now and then, and normally one after the other one. Like a snowball. I like snow.

After 11 years since I had my first girlfriend I can tell none was loved as they deserved. Just because I can’t. And it’s all my fault. Did I want those relationships? Yes, for sure my brain wanted. They looked fine girls, educated and they could give me what I want. I just never gave them what they deserved. My full unconditional love.

Why is that?

Many years ago, I found a little girl that made my heart running faster. I was shy and clumsy around her. And it was like that for many years. Too many years. And she left just a scar and now it’s just that. A scar inside. Doesn’t hurt, doesn’t burn. It’s just there. I call it past. And during all those years there was just delusion. Thought that I could love somebody like the first one. And for a long time the only one. And nowadays we barely speak. My fault. Too bad.

And now that I’m far away from home I just ask for a break. I can’t focus anymore. I don’t have any idea what to do. I can do so many things in this life, I just don’t know what. And for sure not alone. Reaching the 30s and still single was definitely not my plan. Something went wrong on the way. I know why. It’s called stupidity. Dumb as a beetle. I like beetles.

Long time ago someone wrote about me "my heart gets smaller when I think about you. Where did you hide the map to find you, to save you?"

I answer "just because I'm losing doesn't mean I'm lost"

I was wrong.

Sustain

The dictionary defines the word “sustain” as meaning “to give support to, to keep up the vitality or courage of.” Relationships do require support and vitality, in order to thrive, and as anyone who has successfully navigated their way through the sometimes treacherous waters of committed partnership knows, courage as well. Lots of it. This territory can be dangerous especially for those of us who have been hurt in past relationships and want to protect ourselves from future pain, or those who want to avoid the possibility of loss or disappointment, or those who are disinclined to be emotionally honest or vulnerable. This only includes about 100% of the population. In growing up, most of us learn very little about the process of building healthy relationships, and we end up having to learn about it on the job, or putting it in a way that is more relevant to our subject, on the playground.

Bloom Family

mall(S) Consolation

Everything that we once were,
is now a sad and lonely verse.

When once I had so much to say,
I am now bereft of words.

Sometimes it is the order of things,
that make them seem much worse.

It's not as if you would have stayed,
if I hadn't left you first.

Lang Leav

L(Wil)

Hoje vou limpar as impurezas do meu corpo. Tomar um daqueles banhos longos. Vivo num ambiente fértil de pecar, mas quem define o que é pecado? Vou ver na net a primeira definição que encontrar:

"O Pecado sempre foi um termo principalmente usado dentro de um contexto religioso, e hoje descreve qualquer desobediência à vontade de Deus; em especial, qualquer desconsideração deliberada das Leis reveladas. No hebraico e no grego comum, as formas verbais (em hebr. hhatá; em gr. hamartáno) significam "errar", no sentido de errar ou não atingir um alvo, ideal ou padrão. Em latim, o termo é vertido por peccátu."

O que é a vontade de Deus? Gostava de saber. Se calhar é fácil. Segundo a bíblia, Deus criou-nos à sua imagem, e foi só imagem? Ou também À sua vontade? Também temos a vontade dele? Deus está em todo o lado. Será que é porque todos nós temos um pouco dele? Somos um pouco de Deus? Nós, humanos, animais, plantas e tudo o que criamos? Então a vontade, a nossa vontade, a vontade das plantas crescerem, espalhar a semente? A vontade dos animais? Não será essa a vontade Dele? De vivermos? E tudo o que criamos? Tudo o que fazemos crescer, tudo o que construímos e o que realizamos na vida?

God sows his seeds everywhere.

Se seguir essa lógica, então tudo o que fazemos contém a vontade de Deus. Mesmo o que está socialmente ou "moralmente" errado, faz parte dos Seus planos?

Hoje acordei com essa dúvida. Então eu não peco. Só cometo erros, se os cometer, se alguém achar que os cometo. E essa é a vontade Dele.

Ou... Estarei errado?

Om(C) Palavras Amo - EA

Já gastámos as palavras pela rua, meu amor.
e o que nos ficou não chega
para afastar o frio de quatro paredes.
Gastámos tudo meno o silêncio.
Gastámos os olhos com o sal das lágrimas,
gastámos as mãos à força de as apertarmos.
Gastámos o relógio e as pedras das esquinas
em esperas inúteis.

Ara(P) Ilusão em fuga...

Secalhar crias-te uma ilusão. Eu, que durante também tantos e secalhar mais uns meses que tu criei uma ilusão. É fácil. Basta amar alguém, ou julgar amar, e depois não estar com essa pessoa.
Resultado: Criamos uma pessoa perfeita na nossa cabeça, que julgamos tratar dessa mesma pessoa que é a ideal. Ri. Porque é para rir. Porque afinal não é real. Porque parece uma simples maçã e que nos deixa num estado adormecido por eternidades. Sim, porque um segundo sem ti é uma merda!
Consequência: À uns dias atrás, ou semanas, a minha mais recente e espero última aquisição do meu coração (será que é a primeira real?) me disse - "do que eu tenho mais medo em nós é a competição que tenho contra essa pessoa que tenho na tua cabeça, ai bem escondida..."
E esta, heim? E esta?